5: Slow Going in Alodia
9/21/2011
Wow. I actually got 6 pages done today. But it took me over 8 hours! I guess I’m just grateful I found it in me to push it out for so long, though my wrist is sore from writing longhand for so long without rest. I got Tapu past Ombure and to the isle of the dead. I’m almost done. Well, I say “almost”, but I’m probably still 10+ pages away, which could mean 15 hours more. God, this slow pace is maddening. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, well… I could have drawn several pictures in the time it took me to write several hundred words.
Present-Day Reflection
5/30/2026
The fault of why it was such a torturous process of writing was all mine. I knew very well I was doing it wrong by trying to perfect every sentence and paragraph as I went, but I was stubbornly clinging to that while working my way through Alodia. I knew I should have written rough and steady and to save the diction and poetry for the rewrites, but I just couldn’t let go and move forward until I felt every step along the way was as good as I could make it.
I ignored all the teachings from the masters who came before me, not because I didn’t believe or trust them, but because I was a stubborn perfectionist. I got over this in my art with painting and drawing decades before, allowing myself to be ugly and messy during the initial stages. Following the U-curve, where things start off great at the top of the left stem, slowly sinking into chaos and disaster as I sink down to the bottom of the U, only to work my way back up to the top of the right stem through countless revisions.
It’s a mixture of vanity and insecurity that compels me to look good at every stage of the process, as if the world is sitting on my shoulder judging every move I make. It just took me time to get over that, building confidence to the point of not caring about my internal critic, and trusting that I will work it out in the end.
There’s a time for critical analysis, but that time is not in the first draft. It took me years of working on my Batu to get to where I trusted myself enough to let go and save my perfectionism for the last few passes. I wasn’t there yet though when working my way through The Song of Alodia.
