32: Lost In the Darkness
6/3/2012
Finished “The Kulu” tonight. Eight scenes in all – 45 pages, and 14,901 words. I just reread it and its quality is inconsistent. The third scene, which I assumed would be the worst, wasn’t so bad. The fourth, which I thought would be much better, was the worst in the whole chapter. I gave too much Dougga’s background away too quickly in my eagerness to sell him to the reader. And the flora-fauna descriptions were gratuitous and irrelevant. The whole scene was too long and felt unnecessary. Needs a lot of editing.
Joyul’s characterization turned out to be surprisingly fun. She breathed some much-needed life into the dead wood of scenes five and six.
That seventh scene, where Diallo confronts Mosai about the lost Kulu, was one I was dreading, knowing how emotionally laden it would be and the importance of getting it right. But other than perhaps the pacing being a bit too fast, it turned out well.
The eighth and last scene was a last-minute decision, feeling I needed the chapter to end with a clear picture that Diallo was running away so that this chapter will connect well with the next. And I think this scene turned out nice, though not as nice as it felt while writing it. The diction felt good, but it seems that the most fun and interesting scenes to read are the ones with good dialogue.
This does not bode well for the next chapter, “Lost In the darkness”, where Diallo is alone with no one to talk to. And when he’s rescued, he’s no longer speaking. But it can’t be helped. This is the story I’m telling, and I just have to do the best I can. So far, on the whole, I’m very happy with all my writing. As a first draft.
The first person to read my work from prologue through Chapter Five: The Kulu, is a friend of mine, Steve Clark. He prides himself as an avid reader and I trust his opinion. More or less. So, when he agreed to try my work, I was curious how he’d respond.
He really seemed to like it and keeps asking me for the next installment. He’s not one to patronize people, so I believe he’s sincere when he says it’s really good work. He doesn’t want to critique its details for me like an editor though. He’s just giving me food for thought about things that were unclear for him – “Why is Ephrathah up in the trees?” I need to provide a clear reason.
But overall, I’m encouraged by the fact that he wants to know what happens next. And he also says he “loves Dialo.” That’s good. We’ll see if it stays that way.
Present-Day Reflection
6/25/2026
Everything I’m referring to in this entry is from my work with the second book, Tears of Stone. It feels weird to me to reread about things that – from my point of view right now – still lies ahead for me and my writing. All of Tears of Stone is still under revision, with several chapters yet to be written until I can call it done.
I miss my long walks with Steve. I miss our arguments, as well as his encouragement for my Batu writing. He was a rare sort of friend, and I wish I had a way to track him down to send him a copy of what turned out to be my first book, Wings of Providence. It’s proven to be exceedingly rare to find people who care enough about what I’m working on to actually read it.
Though, to be fair, I’ve only ever handed over my work to friends and family so far. And, aside from my uncle Paul, none of them are avid readers of anything. I haven’t reached out and contacted any of my future readers yet. Right now, I’m still shouting in the dark as I continue building the foundations for my platform.
I’m almost ready to start reaching out, but for now I’m just missing my friend.
