19: Fevered Psychoanalysis
11/11/2011
Finished scene four in “The Fever” – 2,274 words. Longer than I planned, and over 2,000 of those words were all done just this morning. Two days were wasted on personal drama – problems with my neighbors. Once my head is infected with anger or any other strong emotion, I’m no good for writing.
Rereading “The Lord of the Rings” yet again (my third time now), since my head is no good for anything else at the moment. It’s fixated on drama, and proves that I’m not the master of my own mind. I’m both its slave and victim.
But the clouds parted this morning and I started fresh again, flying right through my work. Wrote Diallo’s first fevered dream, delving into his psychology and father issues. The next and last fevered dream will be a prophetic one. This one this morning though also touched on his issues with Guma, with allusions to Alena’s ghost frog. It came out rather nicely, I think. Good material for me to expand later.
Is Guma Diallo’s creation of what he believes Mosai would view as the perfect son?
At one point Guma replaces Diallo, and Diallo becomes the ghost. Running into Guma in the dark, Diallo mistakes him for his father. Diallo’s love-hate bond with Guma is an expression of what he’s afraid to explore in his relationship with his father. Guma is both idealized offspring and scapegoat for Diallo. Some pseudo-homosexual overtones are present as well, acting as metaphors for Diallo’s impotence. All so very Freudian. And fun.
Present-Day Reflection
6/13/2026
Without drama in my personal life outside of writing, I’d have nothing to write about. It is the fuel for my story-telling engine. However, even today while in the midst of what feels like a climax in my real life story, I’m unable to focus on the fictional one. My passions swing me too far one way or another to get any meaningful work done. The best I can do is catch up on the mindless monkey-brain work of clean-up, organizing, collating, and maintenance.
Which is what I’m doing right now as I write this.
