99: Freedom Is the Ability to Rest
10/14/2015
I just finished Chapter 24: Flirting. This one took eleven days, which is REALLY pathetic for only eight pages, but it turned out well. I’m not entirely sure what happened to me – my not writing a word for nine days before finally cracking the ice yesterday and finishing it today. That’s by far the longest delay with no production in the last 2 ½ months. I tried to force myself a couple times, then just gave up and waited for the need to write to overpower the need to avoid writing. I was getting right pissed off at myself and feeling like shit before I finally was able to force my way back to writing.
I don’t think it was the difficulty of the chapter that daunted me per se, though it’s true I hadn’t a clear grasp of its necessity for being until a few days ago when I realized Diallo needed to be in it. Then came Joyul’s jealousy and her pushing Alena off the log, then came Nip and Pip, and then Wamba – those were the main ingredients and the order in which they occurred to me. The game with the willow ring and Alena’s flirting was there from the beginning though.
But it wasn’t gathering the elements that took nine days. I think I just needed to rest and recharge my battery, even though I didn’t want to. I only have so much time in this ideal writing environment. I hate wasting even one day, let alone nine. But if my battery needed it, I guess it wasn’t so much a waste as an unfortunate necessity.
I hope to start the next chapter ASAP.
Present-Day Reflection
9/1/2026
Not much has changed in this regard – trying to meet deadlines with a drained battery. The futility of force in such situations is a lesson I learned a long time ago though. These days I simply shift gears and try to work on something else that needs doing, because there’s always more than one facet of the work on my To-Do List at any given time.
Though sometimes I just need a break from it all. It’s probably the best part of being my own boss, my “have-to”s can be temporarily ignored in a way my “have-to”s with my day job can’t. It is, in fact, one of the more compelling motivators for me lately – trying to get things done so I can retire from my day job and devote myself entirely to work that actually matters to me.
It’s not just the freedom to do what I love, but also the freedom to stop when I need to. And for as long as I need to. My drive these days isn’t about gaining the ability to do whatever I want, it’s about having the ability to stop and rest whenever I want.
Not there yet.
