63: Burned-Out
8/19/2013
I guess I should give some accounting here for the last month and a half. Though I can’t honestly say what happened to July. I’ve completed sixteen new pages in my Batu Sketchbook, now totaling 31 pages. I’m in the process of adding Ardra, the spider. I’ve started my Song of Mugasha drawing on the four pieces of paper that make up the poster. Just the outline sketch right now, and at this point it’s only missing Tapu’s gazelle love interest in the background and some refinements to the mountain.
I’ve done no Batu writing since June 7th. Now that I think about it, July was focused on the Kanar glyph descriptions. I finished with 28 of the 40 when I burned out and shifted gears to illustration. I think I may shift my gears back to finishing that up. I’m happy with my Kanar work and the latest illustrations, including finishing the iconic drawings of the ten humanoid manifestations of the Vodun. But I won’t be completely satisfied until I get back to the actual writing of Chapter Eight: Dissolutions.
Present-Day Reflection
7/27/2026
I deal with burn-out almost on a daily basis. Though I’m usually pretty good at suppressing it and pushing forward. I manage it for the most part with sleep, caffeine, and isolation, with an occasional indulgence of wasting time doing something fun or pointless.
The thing is though, I’ve already spent decades indulging in doing fun things that are pointless, and I’ve had my fill. I don’t really care about happiness or fun the way I used to. These days I’m only happy or having fun when I’m alone and working on my Batu in some way. And often as not, not even then. But I’m miserable if I don’t, so it amounts to the same thing - happy about not being miserable.
My life, as I knew it, is over. All that’s left for me is my work. This is a choice I’ve made, where people and the external world are meaning less and less to me. I still engage with it because I have to in order to pay the bills and survive, but for the most part – when it comes to life outside my bubble – I’m most definitely burned-out.
