59: Finishing The Wounded

5/28/2013

I did it. I just finished Chapter Seven: The Wounded. The seventh and last scene turned out well, I think. I haven’t read it from beginning to end yet, but it feels good. The language felt clean and it was visually evocative. The little details between Diallo and Alena worked out well. Now I have to come up with the chapter illustration and epigraph. I also want to reread and edit the entire chapter tonight so I can begin transcribing my official first draft tomorrow.

It feels good to be done with another chapter. And three days before my deadline!

I just finished rereading the entire chapter. Took about 3 ½ hours for 47 pages. There wasn’t as much editing required as I feared, and it was better and smoother than I thought it would be. When I go to rewrite it in a week or two, I’ll reread it all again for last minute touches. But I think it’s good to go for my first draft. I’m happy.

For the chapter’s illustration I’m picturing a battered portrait of Diallo’s face. That will be hard to come up with, but the payoff will be big if it works.

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Present-Day Reflection

7/23/2026

As noted before, what is now known as Part Two: The Wounded, from Book Two: Tears of Stone, is probably my favorite segment in the series so far. And my younger self seems to be in agreement with me. I even have some good ideas for the illustration of Diallo’s battered face that I can proceed with. Though I have yet to work out how I’m going to use illustrations in any versions of my future publications.

Anyway, I have more immediate issues to address before I can allow myself to move on to reworking the second book. I’m eager for it though.

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58: Time for Better Eyes

5/26/2013

Well, I’ve been busy, but not on the Kanar breakdowns at all. I’ve been hustling to get the sixth scene of The Wounded done by today, which I did! So, I got one last brief scene and Chapter Seven will be done.

This sixth scene posed interesting challenges, what with the action sequence involving the crocodile. Action sequences are difficult for me, maintaining the tension, fear, suspense – all the necessary emotions. And it’s really hard to tell how close I come to succeeding. Rereading it now tells me nothing. It’s a cold fish. I have to come back to it in a month or so and reread it fresh. But I think it’s okay.

Some nice elements emerged from this scene – a few surprises. One being that I spontaneously decided to make Alena’s eyes crystalline gray. A mark of distinction from everybody else in a physical way that helps set her further apart. I think it also adds to the exotic appeal, while feeding into her future talent as an oracle.

The other thing to emerge was their first kiss. Not with lips, of course, but with their foreheads and ear caressing as the Batu do. This occurred organically from Alena’s examination of Diallo’s amulet, but I thought after it was added that it was always necessary. Because the next chapter will pick up years later when they’re in the midst of their relationship, and I needed something more definite now pointing to where they are headed. Besides, I can’t write Mogai’s story without including his first kiss. I’m not sure yet if I want to include his first sexual experience in the next chapter or have it already a done deal.

The problem is their age. But the story schedule can’t wait. Alena’s got to go at fourteen, and I have no interest in pursuing their romance indefinitely beyond the next chapter’s tragedy. I’m not writing a romance novel. Love only exists to inflict pain, not for its own sake.

Yes, I’m a cruel god. Just like the one who is writing my life story.

Two lines of interest stand out for me in this sixth scene as well, when Diallo begins to realize he may not die from the crocodile after all: Every moment that he was alive his expectations for remaining that way became stronger and stronger. His confidence, as with his faith, was built upon the mud of the world.

I like how this observation contrasts with Alena’s faith, which is true faith because it requires no proofs of experience to fortify it. Diallo’s faith, if that’s what it is, is based on the external world while Alena’s comes from within. And the mud of the world ties in nicely with the mudhole where they’re both facing death together.

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Present-Day Reflection

7/22/2026

Until rereading this just now, I had completely forgotten that this is where I decided to go with the eyes of the nabi for Alena. It never ceases to amaze me as I go back over these journal entries how late into the creative process some of my key elements got introduced for the first time. Which, of course, explains part of the reason why I had to go back and rewrite the entire narrative so many times.

I truly appreciate not being a professional writer, in the sense of having to publish in order to pay the bills. Being able to take decades to develop and rework the entire series – constantly updating key elements without having to stick to a Batu canon that’s established by previous publications – gives me the creative freedom I need to shape and reshape the whole series precisely how I want it. Having that holistic view—which really only comes once everything exists in draft form—has been essential for me.

I suspect there’s no way to get rid of regrets entirely, and that someday after it’s all published, I will still look back and wish I’d done this or that differently. I’m just hoping that pushing off publication dates as long as I have has minimized this.

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57: Choices That Define

5/21/2013

Well, I’ve been busy, but not on The Wounded at all. I’ve been hustling to get the Kanar breakdowns done by Martha’s birthday on the 24th, but once I reached #33 – thanaka – I ran into a brick wall in terms of not being able to fit the pieces together. I wasted a couple days then going through and organizing my Kanar lexicon, looking for help as I went back over the breakdowns I had finished. I discovered several major problems that forced me to realize the entire Kanar language I’d been piecing together is fundamentally flawed. In both concept and approach. So, I decided to throw it all out and start over.

This time I started with Swahili as a baseline, which is itself a pastiche of African languages mixed with Arabic. It’s worked out the problems of consistency for me, though I’m altering and adapting the Swahili as needed. Then it took me all day yesterday from the moment I woke up until midnight to get a new Kanar alphabet table made, with massive rearrangements thematically so the groupings of each set of glyphs makes much more sense and are more appropriately associated with the proper gods and symbols.

Due to my rearrangements of the gods and symbols my rewrite of all of them will be quite different as well, not just rearranged. Everything has changed. But I had no choice, and the payoff will be much more satisfying than going ahead with the faulty system I had in place.

Also, and I don’t know why, I woke up this morning thinking about Alena and Diallo’s relationship in the next chapter – Dissolutions. It occurred to me that Beryl could end up being Mogai’s daughter. If Alena is pregnant with Diallo’s child – though not showing any external signs of it – this could be an additional reason Siona sends her off immediately to be married. Perhaps the only reason, if I decide to keep Alena’s association to Diallo a secret from Siona.

Beryl being Diallo’s daughter could create all sorts of interesting drama. Not just now, but also in the future when Mogai meets Beryl. This could also provide the foundation for the abusive behavior of Alena’s husband, if he even suspects that Beryl is not his daughter.

I need to research the genetic problems of consanguinity between Alena and Diallo though and find out what sort of abnormalities could be found in a child from parents who share the same father but different mothers. If research allows for an innocuous result from such a union, I might even be able to let the Fa Hawara prophecy fall to Beryl, not Alena. I’m not sure yet how that would be better, but it’s an option… possibly.

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Present-Day Reflection

7/21/2026

The most difficult part of my choice regarding the changes to Kanar was deciding to use Swahili as a baseline. This robbed me of my sense of creativity in the naming of the glyphs, despite my altering them significantly in many cases. It solved a lot of my problems, but it bruised my ego by having to abandon my own system to rely on the essence of another not of my creation.

However, my decision was based on the quality of the result, leaving my ego out of it. I’m not Tolkien, and philology was more of a hobby than a passion back then. Ultimately, I couldn’t justify the time I was spending on working out a completely original foundation that worked. I had to get back to the main narrative of my books.

As for the question of Beryl’s parentage I’d been toying with, that too was a dead end leading nowhere I want to go. Not just because it feels trashy in a Jerry Springer or Maury Povich sort of way, but I’m simply not interested in the sensationalism of Soap Opera plot lines like I was back then.

I want less cheese and more meat.

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56: So Close, And Yet So Far

5/10/2013

I just finished my 22nd Kanar breakdown. I got 18 more to do. I’m reminded now, having just finished Chaga, how satisfying it actually is to do these breakdowns of the Batu alphabet. It’s a crucial ingredient in the world building, establishing their culture. It nails down their mythology fundamentals in an interweaving, interdependent way I find very appealing. And having their alphabet solidifying while also feeding the formulation of their divination practices and spiritual values is very gratifying.

I’d love to get this whole Kanar project done this month. One a day is all I need to achieve. That’s only about 3-4 hours a day. But considering I started these breakdowns about two years ago and I’ve only got 22 of the 40 done, it seems unlikely it will be done this month. But I’ll try.

I don’t want to ignore the sixth scene with Alena dancing for Ombure though. I’ve already collated my notes and most of the information I’ll need to write it. I’ll try to break the ice on it tomorrow morning.

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Present-Day Reflection

7/20/2026

I almost feel sorry for the younger version of myself back then. I had no idea what was on the verge of happening, and that I was nowhere near to being done with the formation of Kanar like I thought I was. Everything was about to be completely revamped to make its internal consistency much easier to manage. The artificial etymology and word-roots I’d been working with were becoming a nightmare as I struggled to maintain symmetry between them. It was a hard decision to make, but that was why all the names of the glyphs, and many of their shapes, were soon to be changed.

So, Chaga is no longer the name of the 22nd glyph. It’s now named chukäta, though its glyph shape was not one of the ones I changed.

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55: What Was I Thinking?

5/6/2013

Well, the fifth scene is done, where Diallo’s friends find him unconscious. For some reason I had a lot of difficulty with diction with in (see?) this one. It started to flow fairly well toward the end, but it was herky-jerky and rough going there at the beginning. It also turned out a lot longer than I planned – 9 ½ pages. The last scene of The Wounded won’t be long, but this next one could be. Part of me is still debating whether I want the idea of Alena dancing for Ombure or not. That may be over the top and pushing credulity. And yet… I’ll write it and edit it out later if I change my mind.

I have mixed feelings about this fifth scene I just finished, as I do with the whole chapter so far. It isn’t terrible, but it’s missing something. Missing momentum maybe. Loss of direction maybe. It almost seems unnecessary to the plot. It’s developing character and tying up loose ends, and planting seeds for the future, but the story seems to stagnate in The Wounded as a whole. I suppose this should be no surprise since this entire chapter is the first one where I completely abandon my original scene outline and am more or less winging it.

Originally, Chapter Seven was meant to be all about Alena helping Diallo make Mosai’s boma and solidifying their budding romance. But the making of the boma isn’t in this chapter at all anymore, except indirectly in the next scene when Alena helps Diallo gather the clay. And it only vaguely hints at their budding romance.

And yet, despite my misgivings, there’s nothing major I’d change about any of the scenes in The Wounded. Clean up the phrasing some more, of course. Polish it up and make it shine. But in essence, what I already have is exactly what I want. It’s an odd thing to have precisely what I want yet still feel like something is missing. Something that spans the entire chapter. Maybe it will occur to me later.

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Present-Day Reflection

7/19/2026

To be honest, I have no idea what I was talking about in terms of “something is missing” back then. Over all the years since I first wrote The Wounded (now restructured as Part Two – consisting of 24 chapters – of the second book, Tears of Stone), it continues to shine in my memory as the very heart of the entire series. It remains the thing I’m most proud of, in terms of being true to my authorial voice and the kind of writer I want to be.

It’s not about being technically perfect, or even creatively inspired, to be sure. It’s about being true to what I think of as the soul of my vision for the series. This may be all in my head, not in the writing itself, and that I’m the only one who will ever see it this way.

Such is the difficulty of being a father and not being able to judge one’s children objectively.

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54: The Weirdness

4/23/2013

Finished the third scene last night, with Alena dancing in the rain. Eight pages in three days. I feel kind of ambiguous about the results, which might be a bad sign. It seems to be okay, but it doesn’t carry even a fraction of the emotional impact, upon rereading it, that it did as I wrote it. This reminds me of Rockwell’s statement, that making art is like throwing a ball against a wall – it only comes back to you with half the power that you threw it. So, you better throw it hard. Or not, depending on the effect you’re looking for. And to be honest, I’m not even sure at this juncture how much power I want in this scene. Not every scene needs, or should have, a big emotional punch. The drama gets tiresome. I won’t know for sure whether the scene’s flavor is precisely right until I read the whole book again and read it in context. At which time, I can try to pump up or deflate each scene as needed. The whole is more important than the parts.

What I like about the scene are the unexpected details. Joyul was not even present in this scene until I went to write it. In fact, I got two or three pages into it, having described Alena dancing alone in the rain, when I decided I wanted Joyul dancing with her. Her presence made it easier to make it interesting. We already had a one-way dialogue in the last scene, and I didn’t want Alena talking at Diallo throughout the whole thing like Badru did. That’s boring and irritating to work with, so I brought in Joyul, who is a good foil for Alena.

Her presence made everything better there at the river. She also needs to be there so when Guma comes to beat-up Diallo it doesn't look like Alena was the one who told Guma about Diallo pushing her. One can assume that Joyul told Guma. Though, of course, she didn’t. Diallo himself told Guma, since Guma only exists in his head. Or else he’s a spirit who just knows everything. I’m careful to write it in such a way that Guma could be either one – a figment of Diallo’s subconscious, or an actual ghost.

The whole notion of Diallo thinking of himself as a fictional character was also a spur of the moment addition, though I’m not sure I like it in this context or how I handled it. I had that concept in my notes as a possible idea to play with, and I plugged it in when I felt I was at a spot that needed something like that, but I’m not sure if it works as it is.

Now that I’m done with this scene I can see I’m going to have to switch the scene sequence. Originally, the Guma scene was supposed to come next. But now I see that Bakar, Tamal, and Dougga’s scene must come next. As a reader of my own work, I find that Diallo’s head is not something I want to be inside of right now. His emotions and thoughts are too predictable and would be annoying to be intimate with, so I don’t want another scene right now from his POV.

In deciding the POV for the next scene it was between Bakar and Tamal, and I decided on Tamal because this is the perfect time and place to touch on some of his personal tragedies: mother dying in childbirth when he was six, one of his brothers dying from The Fever, the other accidentally killed by Tamal himself – which is part of Tamal’s drive for precision and perfectionism as an adult. And it’s important to hint at how Diallo is not necessarily special in the dramatic misfortunes of his life. He’s just one of The Wounded. His friends have their own tales too that the reader doesn’t get more than a glimpse of.

As far as Tamal’s clairvoyance is concerned, I hinted at it in Chapter Five: The Kulu, just after Diallo lost his father’s flute, but I’m not sure yet if I really want to go there. Giving even one of them a supernatural ability may be going too far with the weirdness. Some weirdness is good, but it’s a fine line. It’s something to think about. Does it enhance, or does it cheapen? Not sure. I’ll know before I start the next scene though.

It’s the same day… barely. Almost midnight and I just finished the fourth scene. An entire scene in one day. In one evening, in fact. But it was only 2 ½ pages long.

After working out the particulars of Tamal’s scene I realized the Guma scene had to go first, like it or not. But I managed to avoid the self-pity pitfalls I didn’t want to fall into, and I got a short little scene with some punch to it (pun intended). It’s brutal, and I already see some things to add and change, but it’s done for now.

The biggest defect is that it leaves Tuk looking like a bad doggy because he didn’t defend Diallo. But other than somehow removing Tuk from the scene entirely, I’m not sure what I can do about it. After all, Guma wasn’t really there

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Present-Day Reflection

7/18/2026

Yes, I not only kept the clairvoyance weirdness of Tamal in The Kulu chapter, butI took it to whole new level in Chapter 13: The Search For Bakar. When I went back to rewrite and flesh out all of Part One in Wings of Providence (so that all  four boys got equal treatment in grounding them early on) I planted the first seeds of Tamal’s gift in a very pronounced way. Though I didn’t stall the story in any way to provide explanations concerning it.

I’m embracing the weirdness.

I see it as being the same kind of weirdness you find in Star Trek, where they give the ship’s science officer quasi-psychic abilities. And Star Trek is supposed to be science-fiction, not fantasy. Spock is ostensibly the paragon of logic and rationality, not given to weirdness. Yet fans don’t even question the science of mind melds, or the lack of explanation for how he transferred what amounts to be his soul into McCoy, only to later have it transferred back into his newly regenerated body.

I certainly don’t go that far with weirdness in my stories, even though I’m the one who stipulates to indulging in fantasy to a certain degree.

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53: Getting It Done

4/17/2013

Just finished Badru’s scene. Took me exactly a month for a little over nine pages. Pulling teeth. But it turned out okay, and that’s what matters I guess. Sometimes I think just getting done is what should matter, worrying about quality later. But that isn’t how I work. I give it my absolute best every step of the way. Every draft. Pulling teeth.

Once again, I found the dialogue sequences flowing fun and easy, and the setting of the stage, the diction and syntax of the narrative between the dialogue is slow and painful.

The trouble with this scene is that because Diallo isn’t speaking, Badru ends up talking to herself the whole time. It’s hard to keep that interesting, and even harder to keep it from coming off like a diatribe. Hopefully I will be able to soften that preachy quality in future rewrites. It’s plenty good enough for right now.

It helped a lot to have Bakar, Tamal, and Dougga pass through the scene. Or at least their voices. That was more or less a last minute surprise addition. That even helped me place where Diallo will be coming upon Alena in the next scene, because knowing the three boys will follow the creek trail to the river, Diallo will go over the hill to the river to avoid them, passing the ceremonial pit along the way where Alena will be dancing.

I wasn’t sure where or how I was going to be able to make the next scene play out in a natural way. So, this works out perfectly now. Everything happens for a reason and works out like… providence.

Yeah, right.

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Present-Day Reflection

7/17/2026

Getting it done is not all that matters, of course. But convincing myself it is can often be the very thing I need to get off my ass. Once the pressure of doing it correctly is removed, I find things generally work out okay. It’s very rare that whatever I end up putting down on paper isn’t in any way useable.

And things only end up looking like they happened for a reason once I’ve forgotten the difficulty of shaping my initial garbage into something… not so garbagy. In this way, focusing on just getting it done is helpful.

Better than waiting for divine inspiration. Or providence.

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52: Fear & Laziness

4/2/2013

I broke the ice on Badru’s scene in The Wounded tonight. Got two dozen lines written, establishing her fear of the storm, her search for the canna plant, getting drunk on palm wine, taking shelter under the bridge, needing a vision for the yara of Makoa’s new child – Kembara… Actually, I got quite a bit of information into 24 lines, and my prose was okay.

I’m just glad I finally got into this scene. I don’t know which is my greatest enemy in writing, fear or laziness. Both work together to make sure these books are never written. Tonight I got to it again, but it took me over two weeks. Two weeks after finishing Diallo’s dream scene, and that took three months to get done itself.

Pathetic. And the not writing depresses me. It affects my mood and makes me miserable so I can’t even properly enjoy my laziness.

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Present-Day Reflection

7/16/2026

Laziness is no longer an issue with me. I’ve probably been more driven with ambition over the last few years than ever before. I’m at the age of now or never, and I tend to view my work these days as my last shot to make something of my life. Something more than it ever has been.

Fear is still with me, though to a lesser degree, and is more useful than not. Keeps me from being reckless and is the basis for my patience to make sure I’m doing things right. Measure twice and cut once.

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51: The Wounded

3/20/2013

Well, I think I finally figured out how to set the scene with Badru. This is the second scene of Chapter Seven: The Wounded. I knew more or less what I wanted to do with her, but I had a miserable time the last two days trying to figure out how to get her and Diallo together in a way that satisfies the needs of the chapter’s story and placing them in a location I haven’t used before and was at least a little interesting. I don’t want all my Ephrathah scenes to be: hut, hub, walkway, fire circle, river, Overlook Hill – the same locations over and over become boring. Like a prison. So, I want the village to be more intricate than that. It’s good that locations are revisited so the reader gets a sense of familiarity and continuity, but not so much that it gets dull.

I think I’ll put Badru under a bridge spanning the creek skirting Overlook Hill. I want her to be hiding from the storm and lightning, but I also need her to be out of the village proper. Diallo must go to the Dula river. So, wherever the hiding spot was, it had to be on the way there. Then I had to invent a reason why Diallo is hiding, too, and decided that he is avoiding his well-meaning friends who are looking for him. This also provides the reason why Diallo sticks around a minute while Badru talks to him. He’s waiting for his friends to go away.

The underside of a bridge isn’t terribly exotic or exciting, but at least it’s somewhere we haven’t been already. It’s got curtains of moss hanging from it, the creek is flooding a bit due to the rains, tree roots – or such things – will be weaving around in interesting shapes. Badru will be sheltered there with a little fire going when Diallo and Tuk enter. They’ll be able to hear Diallo’s friends talk as they cross the bridge above them.

Anyway, it took me two days to come up with that. A lot of pacing and a long walk this morning for two hours in the pouring rain that finally resulted in an idea I can use.

In the end it’s all supposed to feel organic, where all the elements work together in such a way that it feels like it couldn’t have happened any other way. It seems like anybody could have written that because it’s all so simple and fits in with what must happen next. Well, maybe after it’s written it feels that way, but it sure as hell doesn’t when you have nothing and you’re staring at a bank page. Knowing conceptually what you want and trying to figure out how to make it work are two totally different things.

I don’t mind this sort of creative work; it’s a fun challenge.

One thing though, on the level of plotting, is the bad guy. I don’t have one. This is something that has concerned me since the beginning, four years ago. Originally it was intentional. I didn’t want a villain. I didn’t conceive this as commercial fiction where every protagonist needs an antagonist. They say the hero is only as great as his adversary, that he needs the bad guy to work against and use to define himself. Well, life doesn’t work that way, so why should fiction? The bad guy in my life is, more times than not, an abstract idea. Obstacles are not always people. Sometimes shit just happens and a hero is one who rises to the challenge and deals with it.

Siona is the closest thing to an antagonist in human form for Diallo-Mogai. At least so far. Eventually The Others from beyond the Gol-Gasha Mountains that invade and destroy the Batu way of life will be the bad guys. But that is a tribal adversary spanning the last three books, which only actually appear in the third book. Not ideal adversaries if they’re intended to drive the plot like Sauron or Darth Vader.

If there is an actual adversary, in the traditional plotting sense, it’s Diallo-Mogai’s Hira. The ultimate adversary we all carry within us. So far in the story I’ve written, the Hira is mostly just the embodiment of fear, but it will eventually develop into much more than that. It is the Jungian shadow of all the things we reject and suppress coming back to bite us in the ass. It’s probably too esoteric for an adversary in typical commercial fiction, but… This is the story I’m writing.

I’ve been aware of the absence of a Darth Vader since the beginning of this project, and though just about every book I’ve read on how to write fiction stresses the importance of a powerful bad guy, I’m not gonna do it. At least, not in a traditional simplistic fashion. I got the Hira, The Others, people like Siona whose agenda is at odds with my main characters, the environment and wildlife that is hostile and threatening, and the tribe and its culture that are at times problematic. In other words, life itself is the adversary. That should be good enough.

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Present-Day Reflection

7/15/2026

At the point of writing that entry, 16 years ago, I was still writing really long chapters, where what I was calling scenes within a chapter have now been reworked to be chapters in and of themselves. So, what I was calling Chapter Seven of the first book back then, is now midway through the second book – Part Two: The Wounded. I was also plotting then for sixteen books in the series (four volumes containing four books each, whereas today I’m plotting for only four books.

This sort of extreme structural inconsistency gets confusing, particularly when I’m creating entire sections – hundreds of pages – and inserting them into much older narratives. This nonlinear production timeline and its nebulous structure can be difficult to track at times even for myself, let alone for those who weren’t there.

As for the content of this entry, I remember very well how good it felt to write that “scene” with Badru and Diallo under the bridge. One of them struggling to deal with the storms of life, the other with an actual storm. Badru chapters are always fun for me to reread and are possibly my favorites to write throughout the entire series. Even though they often require the most thought in how I approach them.

The problem of not having a traditional adversary is an issue I don’t really dwell on anymore. In fact, it’s gotten impossible for me to view Siona as a bad guy at all. Indeed, as I’ve gotten to know her better, I now see her as being one of the most sympathetic characters in the series. It will probably take a while for first time readers to reach this conclusion, but I provide ample windows into her point of view by the end of Wings of Providence to convey what I’m referring to.

The same goes for Diallo’s father, Mosai. Everyone who might be viewed as an obstacle or catalyst for Diallo’s angst has their own sympathetic point of view. Nobody is a bad guy, they’re just wounded.

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50: Chipping Away the Stone

3/18/2013

I finally finished that damn first scene of Chapter Seven: The Wounded. I think it actually turned out pretty nice though, and the long time it took to finish wasn’t due to its difficulty so much as laziness. I didn’t even have a full two pages of it done when I started working on it again yesterday, but once I relaxed and just started playing with it, it all came out. And as I said, I think it’s pretty good.

This whole writing thing is a real mindfuck. I put way too much pressure on myself. I want my work to be perfect, and that’s fine, I’m used to that sort of pressure with my artwork. What jams me up though is this notion that there is just once perfect way to write these books, that already exists in the future, which I must match word for word. That, according to fate, there is only one way.

That’s total horse shit. There’s at least a billion perfect ways to write these books. Every creative choice I make can have a thousand alternate ways of doing it that are just as good. The perfection of quality work isn’t choosing the right paths, but how I walk those paths. And there are countless good ways of walking.

If I’m to decide that some choices are better than others and some ways of handling those choices are better than others, what I’m really talking about is my personal taste. That’s subjective. But I don’t believe quality is subjective. Quality transcends taste. Quality means that even if I didn’t go where someone thought I should go, or handle it precisely how they thought I should, they could still see it was done well and appreciate the ride despite their tastes, which inevitably will differ from mine to one degree or another.

This is how it must be. Because I am repeatedly finding myself very satisfied with my work. Not always, but usually. And every time I begin, I am lost, without a clue how to put down what it is I want to end up with. I feel around and mess with it in such a chaotic and nonlinear way there’s no possibility that I could just happen to stumble upon the one and only perfect piece to a preexisting puzzle.

The only explanation I can see is that there are many, many, many, perfect solutions to every problem. So, instead of trying to pin down the one and only way a scene can be written in order to be perfect, I need to start focusing instead on just doing the work and have faith that if I keep giving it my best and not settling for less, then it will be perfect in whatever way I stumble upon. If it doesn’t seem right, then keep working until it does. That simple.

What keeps me from writing, and finding any excuse to avoid writing, is this pressure to find the one true way my books are meant to be written. The version written in the book of fate, or in the library of dreams. What messes with my head are these legends of Mozart, having an entire symphony in his head and him just taking dictation. Every single note is exactly how it should be. The slightest alteration would diminish the work. It’s the belief in that that messes with my head in a major way.

“I shall define beauty to be a harmony of all parts in whatsoever subject it appears fitted together with such proportion and connection that nothing could be added, diminished or altered, but for the worse.”

– Leon Battista Alberti (1404-14720)

It’s fuckers like this that give me a real pain in the ass!

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Present-Day Reflection

7/14/2026

I still agree with my assessment of this issue from back then.

The idea that the perfection of a sculpture already exists within a block of marble and only needs to be discovered is an idea widely attributed to Michelangelo, though it’s actually apocryphal. “The sculpture is already complete within the marble block, before I start my work. It is already there; I just have to chisel away the superfluous material.” Another version has it as, “It is easy. You just chip away the stone that doesn't look like David.” These are popularized summaries of Michelangelo’s creative philosophy rather than direct quotes. The actual quote they’re derived from comes from his saying, "I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free."

I don’t agree with his actual quote either though, which I view as mere arrogance. However, if we were to change one word in his line, I’d be fine with it. Changing “the angel” to “an angel” matches perfectly with my experience. There are countless angels hidden within the block of Michelangelo’s marble, and though many may appear very similar to one another, they are not identical. It’s artistic hubris to presume one can see perfectly beforehand and find the exact version they end up with. Let alone that this version is the best of all possible versions.

The absolute absurdity of such a notion should be self-evident.

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49: Fixed in Stone

3/9/2013

I finished a concept drawing last night in my sketchbook of the Temple of Mugasha, on Esil-nar. It’s a close-up study of two giant faces carved out of the stone blocks that make up the temple. It looks nice, and helps bring me a step closer to their world.

The reference I used was the Bayon towers of Angkor Thom, in Cambodia. But I changed the facial features from Cambodian to Negroid, and integrated faces from two different sites into one for my Mugasha temple. The drawing spans two pages in my sketchbook, and there’s something about it that makes me want to stare at it all day.

I think it’s because it’s evocative. It makes me ponder the people that built it, and why. It makes me rethink the Batu histories. It even makes me consider placing the temple beyond Kamaria where Mogai will find it in the third book after he passes through Kunama. He could then learn the true history of the Batu, as would the reader. I could even have Alena and the surviving band of Batu pass it on their exodus from Kamaria at the close of the series.

For the moment, however, I have it fixed as part of the ruins on the isle of Esil-Nar. Mogai, Broka, Dugal, and Topal are outlined to go there in the second book for their jawara bakumba ritual. Though I may use it earlier in the first book by having the temple faces be part of the entryway to the lava tube on Mt. Kunama in Chapter Sixteen: Revelations.

I have a rule of thumb that I don’t save really cool ideas for later on down the road. If I have an idea I really like and it works well within what I’m currently working on, then I use it now and let the future take care of itself. It’s sometimes tempting to hold on to an idea and save it for a key moment later in the story, but my overriding tactic is to make every step of the way the absolute best I can make it, and have faith that new gems will come to me along the way for those later moments. Possibly better gems.

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Present-Day Reflection

7/13/2026

I still think that’s a good strategy – take care of the present moment and have faith that new and better ideas will take care of the future. This is, in part, how the story grows far beyond my original conceptions. Letting go of expectations and my scene outlines when something better occurs to me is key. So, I just try to stay generally open minded, and not looking upon any single element as fixed in stone. So to speak.

As it is, the stone faces I illustrated for the Temple of Mugasha on Esil-Nar got moved to the marshlands of Nagala-Nar for Diallo’s Ghost Frog quest in book one. It was a bold decision, and the right one. It’s precisely what was needed in that time and place in the series.

And I do have faith that the future regarding the isle of Esil-Nar will take care of itself.

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48: The Lessons of Patience

2/28/2013

Well, I wrote an additional 571 words to the first scene of The Wounded, and it took me five hours and it’s still not finished. But it’s late and I don’t feel like pushing it out.

The quality is okay, but nothing that’s jumping out at me. When I’m just dressing up what I’ve already played out in my head so many times and nothing new crops up, the work isn’t very inspiring. Not yet anyway.

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Present-Day Reflection

7/12/2026

The lessons of patience concerning all things external to myself were learned a long time ago, but it’s only more recently I’ve come to understand the need for patience with myself as well. It’s primarily through writing that this has come to light for me – the benefits that arise from allowing things to percolate within me. Waiting for things to come to a boil before tapping into them. Keeping ideas in the oven of creativity and not removing them until they’ve been cooked to maturity.

This does apply to other parts of my internal emotional world beyond writing, but I’ve found it much easier to practice with my writing. And it’s only through experience that I’ve gotten any better at knowing when the time is right. Though often as not I still have to simply dip a toe in the water to see if the temperature is okay or not.

The metaphors abound with this idea, apparently.

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47: Tired, but Undaunted

2/27/2013

I finished The Song of Alodia poster. I’m really glad I’m finally done with that. I hate having all these lingering projects laying around unfinished. So, I also spent a couple days last week finishing the detailing of the Vodun symbology – all 40 gods.

Then there’s my 40 Kanar glyph breakdowns, of which I still only have 21 done. And they’re each a full page a piece. It’s been ten months since I focused on them. They involve a lot of organizing, creativity, and analyzing options. Takes time, and it’s not fun. But the payoff is nice.

I did good work today, keeping on task all day. And at a good pace with quality as well. I got more done in one day than I have in a while. I rewrote The Song of Alodia again, and when I saw the finish line, I summoned my strength and sprinted with all I had for the final stretch. It’s a lot more fun doing that than just plodding along like I usually do. But my projects are often so large that their magnitude is daunting and inhibits my drive. It’s rare that I get close enough to see a finish line like I did today.

As for the first scene of The Wounded, I haven’t gotten any further than the same four paragraphs. It’s mostly creative work – it’s a dream sequence, after all – so, there’s no reason I shouldn’t be able to finish it tomorrow.

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Present-Day Reflection

7/11/2026

It’s been a while since I felt truly daunted by the work that lies before me. I often get a sense of being overloaded, and I sit down to it with a world-weary obligation rather than the energy of creative inspiration. But these days it’s mostly a game of collating, uploading to this website, and formatting.

It’s not daunting. I don’t avoid it for days, weeks, months, or years. I stay on task, and if I miss a deadline, it’s only just barely. But then, I have a lot of help thanks to the computer and modern technology. Things I didn’t have 16 years ago.

I’m also driven to a degree I never have been before, and though I have my theories as to why, I’m not entirely convinced by them. Whatever the reason, I’m glad of it. Idleness saps the vigor of the soul, and despite being tired most of the time, I definitely feel invigorated by the work I’m getting done.

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46: A Balance with Altruism

2/19/2013

I am disturbed. Many things are disturbing me these days. Personal things, interpersonal things, my failure to meet my Batu deadlines. And now this…

Somebody who knew vaguely about my Batu writing suggested I read People of the wolf by Michael and Kathleen O’Neal Gear. Historical fiction about the first people crossing the land bridge between Asia and the Americas. I didn’t want to read this for the same reason I don’t want to read Clan of the Cave Bear, by Jean Auel. It’s not African for one thing, but I also assumed it would be overly focused on anthropology instead of literary value or characterization. And I don’t do research via fiction where I can never know what information is based on fact and what is just being made up.

But now I can add a new, and more compelling reason to avoid reading such books. They steal my ideas! I don’t mean plagiarism obviously, since they wrote theirs long before I even thought about writing mine. I mean that they steal my ideas by making me unable to use the creative inspiration that comes to me because I know it’s already been done. I don’t want to know what’s been done, so I can be uninhibited and free to tell my story any way I want without concerns of copying other writers.

All I read of People of the Wolf was the six-page prologue. It began with a vision quest aided by a psychotropic. It had a sex scene that was the conception of the protagonist (presumably), whose mother died giving birth to him. The birth was shrouded in portents, signifying this was a child of great destiny. And the number four was utilized ritually and repeatedly.

Sound familiar?

There were significant differences from my prologue though. In People of the Wolf the vision encompassed the entire prologue, the mother was raped, she gave birth to twins, and the entire tone was darker than mine in terms of violence and mood. But our basic motifs are identical.

If I had read this book prior to formulating my story, I wouldn’t have utilized these motifs to preserve my originality. And by not using them my whole story would have been altered. As it is, I won’t change a thing, but I’m disturbed.

I still have a lot of creating to do, and I want no creative inhibitions, so I won’t be reading any books like these until all four of my books are finished in their first draft form. Once my story is fixed in stone and the writing threads are all sewn together, then I can read books like these. But for now, though I want help with cultural and geographical details, tools and historical technology, etc., I don’t want any creative help with story ideas and plotting.

All the books I read on how to write fiction tell me I’m wrong in this regard. They preach that I should read everything I can get my hands on in the genre I am writing in, so that I know what’s been done and what that genre’s standards are. And that makes sense from a commercial point of view. There’s no money in reinventing the wheel. But from my point of view as an artist, I don’t give a damn. If it’s original to me and I love it, that’s all that matters at this point. If it turns out in the end to be a lot like a thousand others already published… oh well.

But I can’t be true to me and the story inside me if I’m second guessing as to whether my ideas are mine or not. My creative freedom is far more important than the benefits of thoroughly knowing the other works of my genre. A strategy of ignorance, in the hopes it will protect me.

The fiction I’m drawn to these days inspire me, but they don’t hand me ideas. I read to study and appreciate the craft of language usage, so I tend to lean toward literary fiction. I look for good stories and characters, then look at how it was achieved.

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Present-Day Reflection

7/10/2026

There’s a good deal of selfishness in my strategy of ignorance. It’s completely discarding the needs of other readers as I focus entirely on me and my own needs. This flies in the face of my claims of being motivated by a desire to give something back to the world after a lifetime of being a parasite on society.

I’ve been telling myself, and anyone who will listen, that I want a legacy of giving back after a lifetime of taking – decades of consuming and indulging in the fruits of my culture without contributing to it in any meaningful way. My Batu Saga is supposed to be an attempt at correcting this imbalance. At least a little bit. And yet, my sense of altruism is beginning to feel more like a thin veil of self-deception where everything I’ve been working toward is still focused entirely on me.

It’s not lost on me that this theme is also reflected in the writing of the Batu Saga itself – the issue my protagonist is constantly struggling with as he tries to balance his needs with the needs of his society. Finding a niche that is both true to himself while also being beneficial to others.

As with everything in my life, including this website, it’s a constant work in progress. Work that never ends.

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45: A Shelved Song Cycle

2/19/2013

My usual pattern of laziness during January and February is holding true. Since my birthday, I’ve primarily been focused on finishing my The Song of Alodia poster (22”x17”). It’ been about two years since I started it, though I finished the center piece drawing about 17 months ago. It’s the detailed work of the bordering frame that intimidated me into not touching it again until last month. I’ll be done in a couple days now, and it’s looking awesome.

The owl’s not right though, and the hare’s ears are too short, and the lion’s mane is not full enough, and the tree isn’t centered, and a lot of the details in the border are subpar. But it’s still awesome. I think it will serve well as an underpainting someday, if I choose to paint it.

The plan is to do three more of these – one for each book, which will illustrate the segment of The Napatawalata that reflects the main narrative of each of the four books. Which means, I’m doing these posters out of order, and will do The Song of Mugasha poster next, but that segment of The Napatawalata is not even written yet. So, there’s the problem.

I really like this idea of The Napatawalata – anthropomorphic animals as culture heroes cast in mythic stories conveying the mores of Batu culture and its mythology while simultaneously reflecting the action of my main narrative with Mogai. The Napatawalata is high fantasy and total creative fun that contrasts nicely with the more literary realism of the main narrative.

In Kanar, the etymology of the word Napatawalata stems from the roots pa – four, wa – joining, and lata – among a group. So, it can be translated as “four joining among a group”, which is obviously a reference to the fact of its being a tetralogy. All four segments of The Napatawalata are interconnected and will be four pieces of a single work, most likely with Tapu taking the lead in each.

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Present-Day Reflection

7/9/2026

There hasn’t been much movement with The Napatawalata over the years since I made this entry. I finished the poster for The Song of Mugasha, and have written the first 9 pages, which completes Part One of it. And I have the outline for the entire thing formed. The last two pieces of The Napatawalata are tentatively titled The Song of Jukun and The Song of Kamaria, but with only vague ideas regarding what they may be about.

And that’s where it stands today. Like I said, considering it’s been thirteen and a half years since I wrote this journal entry, not much has changed with The Napatawalata.

A lot has changed with the books of the main narrative though, and I guess it’s appropriate that my focus has been placed more on that than the epic song cycle. Still… I’d really like to see it all finished before moving on with the final edits of Book Two: Tears of Stone next year.

We’ll see.

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44: Consolation by the Numbers

1/26/2013

I’m counting words. I’m on Chapter Four, so three more chapters to go. I currently have 52 scenes written, with an average of 6 ½ pages per scene. That’s the typical length of a chapter in many of the popular novels being published today. At 347 pages and 52 chapters, I’ve already written the equivalent amount for a typical book-length manuscript.

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Present-Day Reflection

7/8/2026

This is what I do. I console myself with numbers and shifts of perspective. I still do that, and have gotten quite good at it.

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43: My Shapeshifting Baby

1/20/2013

Finished two new illustrations last week, the bird for the Wings of Providence fable, and Mutanda and Bree for the Left Behind fable. So, Part One and Part Two both have their illustrations now. I also did the two title pages for the front matter of The Song Mugasha, along with a new cover design featuring the partial silhouette of a hunter and a spear. It all looks good. Came up with an improved binding technique so my first draft author’s copy looks good. My baby looks nice, and I’m happy with her so far.

I started Chapter Seven: The Wounded, over a week ago. Just a couple of paragraphs detailing Diallo’s nightmare of being a shapeshifter, changing into various animals as the Hira pursues him. Got distracted from that though by my artistic inspirations. It’s okay, at least I broke the ice and got a start, making it easier to return to it. Soon, I hope.

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Present-Day Reflection

7/7/2026

What I was calling Left Behind back then I now call Tears of Stone – the original and newer title for the second book. Though back then I thought it was just Part One and Part Two of book one, which I was calling The Song of Mugasha. Left Behind perfectly reflects the theme of that fable and many of the elements in book two, but I decided that title is too strongly associated with the apocalyptic Christian fiction series by Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins. So, I ended up changing it to Tears of Stone, which is more in keeping with the tone I already established with Wings of Providence.

Things change, and it can get confusing for anyone reading these old journal entries who’s only familiar with how things stand now. Of course, things may change yet again between now and the final publication date scheduled for later this year.

Rereading this entry reminds me that I still have to upload the Left Behind fable to the collection of fables already posted to this website, as well as any other fables I wrote into the narrative of Book Two: Tears of Stone. I’m also reminded of how much I liked that dream sequence of the Hira, and Diallo shapeshifting to escape it. I’m really looking forward to going back over everything in Book Two when the time finally comes for its final edits.

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42: Priorities

12/31/2012

I started a Batu sketchbook last Thursday (1/3). I’ve got seven pages filled with Batu illustrations already. Two pages per day is pretty good for me, considering the quality is fairly high.

Been reading Shakespeare’s Henry IV, Part One and Two. Starting Henry V tonight. No progress on The Wounded yet. I’ve really been enjoying the sketchbook stuff. That and Shakespeare are all I’ve focused on. I’ve even been neglecting my correspondence. I have two letters on hold, waiting… waiting…

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Present-Day Reflection

7/6/2026

Waiting used to be one of my worst habits. Waiting for inspiration to hit. Waiting for the right mood. Waiting for windows of opportunity to just magically open for me. Waiting for my luck to change. Waiting for the world to start being fair. Waiting for someone who actually cares and knows how to listen. Waiting for someone to recognize my potential and offer me a shot at the life I always thought I should be living. Waiting for things to get easier. Waiting to die…

Call it procrastination, lack of inertia, depression, self-doubt, being in a funk, laziness… Call it whatever you want, it’s all bullshit. It’s all a choice, and it’s a choice I no longer indulge in. Not for long, anyway. I may have an hour or two, or even a bad day now and then when I slip back into the pattern of waiting for something better to happen on its own. But for the most part I’ve gotten much better at staying on track and making things happen for myself.

It all comes down to self-reliance and focusing on the work. I don’t need or want luck, and I don’t need or want any single individual’s help. I don’t need more than what I already have, whether its love, money or opportunities. I just need to use what I already have while keeping my focus on the work.

Nothing the external world tells me to care about matters. All that matters is the work. So long as I focus on that, and I do the best that I can, everything else that truly matters will fall into place. The only way my needs or wants matter is in how they affect the quality and efficient outflow of the work.

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41: An Ensemble Cast

12/31/2012

Well, I managed to make my deadline. Got Lost in the Darkness all transcribed and finished – as much as it will be for a long time. Now, onto Chapter Seven: The Wounded. A lot needs to change in this next chapter from what’s in the scene outline. I already have a boma creation in The Yara prologue, so this next chapter needs some major re-imagining.

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Present-Day Reflection

7/5/2026

All of what this entry is referring to is in Book Two: Tears of Stone, and what I said back on 12/31/2012 is still true today. There’s a lot in The Wounded to be fleshed out yet.

Now that Wings of Providence has brought the secondary characters into more prominence, the title for The Wounded will also be referring to them, not just Diallo and Alena. Tamal, Dougga, and Bakar will also have their formative wounds established in this section. Most notably in my mind right now, will be Tamal’s, where the accidental death of his last remaining brother shapes his attitudes even more toward precision and caution as he moves forward. It also nudges him even closer to Diallo, Bakar, and Dougga. Bakar and Dougga will have their wounds established here in similar ways as well.

The Batu saga as originally conceived, has changed dramatically in that it has become much more of an ensemble cast. All the secondary characters have become much more important as their own stories are being told with greater care. And for the four boys, everything that is happening in Tears of Stone is building up toward their jawara ben-bella – their rite of Passage into manhood.

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40: My Process

12/28/2012

Well, I finished Lost in the Darkness two days ago. It was a good feeling. The last scene was probably the best one. I reread the whole chapter in one sitting and was dismayed by the inconsistency in quality between all ten scenes. Some were okay, a couple were good, and a couple were terrible. The first scene was the worst.

So, I spent the last two days editing each scene, slashing and cutting huge segments from even the okay ones. And now that I’m transcribing this mess yet again, I’m giving each scene a last onceover before copying them into a legible format.

Scene-one took the biggest hit for deletions, but I also decided to add the concept of the Hira right away. Originally, I had planned to have it explained later by Makoa that what Diallo encountered was a Hira.

I only have this first scene finalized now, but I hope to have the whole chapter transcribed by the end of the year – in three days. It’s a lot of writing, but possible.

I’m not sure how unusual my writing process is, but it goes something like this: I review my scene outline, making sure I have all the elements straight in my head that I’ll need for the scene. Then I picture a beginning for the scene in a way and in a location I hadn’t imagined before, giving it a fresh start for me. Like with the last scene of Lost in the Darkness, I had no idea Kanunga would be descending the amori tree until I sat down to write it. All I knew was that he would be delivering Mosai’s remains to Diallo.

So, having a new and interesting point of entry into the scene, I go over the visuals in my mind and pinpoint the aspects that are most striking. I also think in terms of mood – what is the tone I’m looking for with this scene? I play it in my head like a movie, so when I go to write it, I can just describe what I see.

But before I start the actual writing, I start by compiling a couple of sheets of notes to work from, consisting of all the information I may need. In my ninth scene I had all the ritualistic details for Mosai’s funeral and the harvesting of his organs – all the spiritual symbolism.

Despite these notes and the detailed scene outline, the story must surprise me. It must expand in unexpected directions, or it dies. My scene outline for Lost in the Darkness consisted of only six scenes, but it ended up with ten. Scene two, with Makoa and Mosai, came about as I saw a need for it following the first scene. The scene with Makoa following the spoor was also not originally scripted. The appearance of the bachwezi, that came out of that, was never even considered for this chapter until I came to it.

Inspiration hits. I reach a point where I feel I need something more than what I planned, and ideas come. Often it comes because I loathe exposition that goes on and on, so I use dialogue to keep my own interest. And deciding to just insert dialogue somewhere I hadn’t planned on, changes everything.

Once I got all my notes compiled, I start the actual writing on scratch paper, never brand-new writing paper. For one thing, it would be a waste, because all my first drafts get flushed down the toilet and paper is too expensive. I keep a stack of scratch paper just for this purpose – any papers that come my way. This also relieves some of the burden of writing great and wonderful pros, because I’m just scribbling on scratch paper. I can write gibberish without feeling bad. This frees me to be more creative with nothing to lose – not even paper.

As I begin to write I usually go straight for a good visual to suck me into it. And my language usage is important to me right from the start. The language fuels the visuals and the mood, so I try to imagine how my favorite authors might phrase each sentence. The first line I write sets the tone, but it invariably gets edited heavily before I move on to the second sentence. With all my chicken scratches and crossed out words, my first drafts are completely unreadable by anyone but myself.

On average, I’d say it takes me a half-hour and several drafts to write a paragraph that is useable. If it looks okay, I copy it to a regular sheet of paper, often making last minute adjustments as I do.

I also keep a collection of phrases that have occurred to me that I liked and saved. Phrases like, “Dawn was waiting for him on the far bank of night.” I keep a few pages of these nuggets near at hand to help begin or end things with panache, and to give me a jump start when I get stuck. But these lines are seasoning, not the meat. Most of what I write comes from context.

Anyway…

I may have one to three drafts on scratch paper before transferring my writing to notebook paper. Then once I’m done with the whole chapter, I go back over it and edit the hell out of those 30-50 pages. Then rewrite it all one last time before that becomes my official first draft (ostensibly). This draft is then completed with an epigraph and illustration for the chapter’s title page.

And there it is. Until I feel it needs to be reworked, yet again.

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Present-Day Reflection

7/4/2026

My process hasn’t changed much since then. The main difference now is that I can afford to waste notebook paper and I have a computer. So, these days my process begins on notebook paper and ends on the computer.

I’m still a firm believer in writing the first draft with pen and paper rather than on the computer. Mainly because writing long-hand triggers a different part of my brain than typing. Writing long-hand is like drawing, as I shape the letters with my pen. And since I’m a visual writer, I want to tap into those visual parts of my brain.

Whether this is true or not, it’s the theory I’m going with.

Typing is also faster for me than writing by hand, and it helps me slow down and be more mindful with my first drafts. It’s also too easy to delete and edit as I go on a computer, which distracts me from what I want a first draft to be focused on. When typing, it happens all too often that my fingers get into a flow, and things just rush out in far different way than when I write with pen and paper.

In the end, it’s just a matter of taste.

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